First Fifty

Today is my birthday! I am half-a-century!

I have never been one to shy away from my age. I am who I am - warts and all - because of what I have done, where I have been, and the beautiful souls I have encountered and chosen to align with along the way. I am proud of my life, proud of my accomplishments, proud and comfortable in my skin. In the morning, looking in the mirror, I can breathe deep and smile at myself, for I am content.

My life is blessed and filled with a bounty of Yoga. In fact, the thread of Yoga in my life is a strong, supportive, and constant presence, one that has been lovingly nurtured for these last 39 years. Nor have I squandered this Yogic gift, which is not to say I have not made mistakes - for we all have - just that, I boldly embrace my mistakes, then move on. Something I learned on my Yoga tapas.

A Yoga tapas is a "mat" or "sticky mat". This is a Sanskrit word that means "austerity, discipline, effort". Its an important concept to keep in mind while practicing Yoga in a class or while living your life day-in and day-out.

Yoga has taught me that part of being human is our ability to adapt, adjust and accomidate, and I have taken full advantage of this evolutionary trait. Which was sage advice from Swamiji Vishnu-devananda.

In my life, there has been hardship and advantage, profound loss and assistance, burden and aid .. and in all, I have remained centered in Yoga. For Yoga is a sutra - a "thread" - that flows through my life, ever supporting my every step, firming my every pose. Beyond doubt, Yoga has taught me to embrace greatness, because I have embraced my life with passion.

This passion - a Yogic concept - includes positive perspective and an undaunted ideology. For example, at every crossroad, where a decision was called for, I chose passion .. so that I became passion, and in so doing, passion became me. This is something I learned on my Yoga tapas.

Certainly, I am not saying that every course of action is the 'right' one - or that which leads to maximum potential - but that I did not shy away from any challenge, life situation or pose. And regardless of the outcome of my actions, I have kept my eye on Yogic excellence, which includes rejecting the ordinary.

Some of my life choices - well intentioned at the time - have fallen to the wayside. This is the nature of evolution: That ideas begun, that do not gain momentum, must be cast aside - even if they are favorite projects. So at every turn I have done my best to be honest and rid myself of dross - which is a Yogic trait that I greatly admire. Which is why, today, on my birthday, I have no baggage.

Lets be honest: Being 'who you are' is not as simple as it sounds, for it takes intelligence and motivation and personality, which are not innate abilities but things acquired along the way. For me, they have been acquired on my Yoga tapas. And lets be honest again: Many souls may feel 'prone to greatness', as if they have a 'destiny to fulfill', but excelling in anything has nothing to do with innate gifts, and sometimes, little to do with intent (which often falls to the wayside).

As I look forward into my next fifty years on Earth - standing with feet deeply rooted on my tapas, arms reaching outwards, my head extending upwards - I am able to clearly look back to see - to experience anew - all that has past.

And what do I see?

My life, thus far, has been marked by hard-work - by tapas, or austerity and discipline - or the idea that there is no free-lunch. In fact, I have developed a 'ten year rule', meaning: If you truly want to achieve something, work on it for ten years. Which also explains what I mean when I say: I have been a Yoga student for 39 years, and I am still working on it! I am still a student!

Aside from hard-work, I have had lots of practice - which is also tapas; and, as we all have heard, 'practice makes perfect'. Anyone who has read my emails or read this blog, or better yet, knows me personally, know that I live Yogically! I have accomplished what I have accomplished, and arrived at a place of wholeness because of living Yogically. This means that I explicitly intend to improve every action, every pose - to adapt, adjust and accomadate that which fails or simply doesnt 'feel' right. And so it is that, through persistant repetition, I have accomplished so much.

This is nothing less than what happens on a Yoga tapas.

Anyone can do a headstand or warrior pose or scorpion pose, but can they also continually observe the results of their Yoga practice - the life practice - and make appropriate adjustments, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year? That is how, as a Yogini, I achieve living Yogically.

Which brings me to the third aspect of my success: consistancy - which is, yet again, a part of tapas! And as 'they' say, consistancy is crucial. I am who I am 24 / 7 / 365. I am who I am to strangers I meet, to family members, to my friends - again, warts and all. I do not shy away from my successes or my failures. Living Yogically simply means getting closer to the ALL that I AM.

Every judgment I have come to, every interaction with another human soul, every source of information I have drank from, every pose I have meditated in, and every decision I have made, has all been derived from imperfect information. Why? Because there is no such thing as 'perfect information', just as there is no such thing as a perfect pose! At every turn its been all about what I have been already doing, which means - for me, as a Yogini - its not about getting something done, but experiencing who I AM.

And karma? As a Yogini I live my life around and through karma, but, what does that really mean? Well, every action (karma) is rooted in finding, analyzing and presenting it as an accomplishment or an improvable skill. This means that karma is not cast in stone, but based on understanding at that moment, or forming a coherent perspective on a given subject at a given time. Which means that karma is an improvable skill; meaning, not always 'right' in the long run, but 'right' at that moment.

Life is a living experience!

This is Living Yogically: Hard-work, Practice, Consistancy. This is Yoga tapas. And in each, living Yogically means seeking more information so that a new or different perspective - and pose - can be reached (achieved) and something can be made better. Clearly, this takes a long-term view, because 'getting better' or 'being a better person' or 'becoming who you are' .. becoming a Yogin, does not happen overnight, but over the course of a long time.

As a human being, I have had fifty years of practice, and as a Yogini, I have had thirty-nine years of practice - both mean looking at the big picture or grasping the larger sense. Never has it been about doing one thing well - doing one pose well - or just 'because', but to improve and increase my concentration and focus to improve my life. To improve my tapas.

And feedback is crucial in all of this - and dont we all get plenty of that!

Well .. where some may shy away from criticism - waiting for it, hiding from it, half hoping it never really comes - as a Yogini, I seek it .. deliberately. Not seeking feedback equevacates to not caring, to not learning. And being the deeply passionate and caring Yogini that I am, I know that being better means listening to others. Something I learned on my Yoga tapas: Listen to your Yoga teacher!

As a Yogini I consciously create my reality - meditating on how things work and flow and fit and influence each other, including both worst and best case scenerios. Over the years I have learned, Yogically, through hard-work, practice and consistency, that the more focused my meditation is, the more deliberate - and so Yogic - my life has become. This means holding the future - the desired outcome - firmly and deliberately in my mind, while being able to quickly respond to unforesee circumstances and conditions, so that benefit is gained. Again, this is wisdom easily gained on a Yoga mat.

Living Yogically means deliberate hard-work, deliberate practice and deliberate consistancy. Where many may do things sporadically, I do things regularly. This is the way of Yoga.

Some students of Yoga's life lessons may think they work hard already so never challenge themselves to go further or with more intent. Some students of Yoga's life lessons may view extra steps or added effort as painful or difficult or 'too much', and their result / outcome indicates this. Again, this too is discovered on the Yoga mat.

In these first fifty years I have not been a total hostage to my environment or circumstance. I have made my life what I willed it to be - Yogically, which means consciously, purposefully, deliberately. That means, I have created my own reality, which is far more than a cliche, but a true truism. Nor is this idea a popular one - even where its thought to be understood. Along the way I have met many who speak much but accomplish little, and when I delve into this matter with them, I often see that they were expecting their 'innate gift' or a 'divine blessing' to grant them a free-pass, and so allow them to coast through life with no hard-work, no practice and no consistancy. In short, they chose the path of least resistance, hoping to coast on the waves of the wave-makers.

As a Yogini, I am a wave maker.

Yogah citta vrtti nirodhah
-Rajayog Sutra 1:2

Vrtti are "fluctuations, movements, waves" of the mind, and Yoga teaches us how to direct and focus them.

I do tapas on my tapas to attain tapas. Thats something I learned while doing Yoga.

Tapas is the bed of nails that a Yogin lays on, it is the cutting edge of every new venture, and the blazing of new trails. Tapas is peering deeply where no path exists. Some who attempt to live Yoga may fall prey to the challenges before them, turning and running away from the tapas before they have even begun. But .. Yoga means 'life' .. and that is something none of us can run from.

This is why I am so excited about the next fifty years ahead of me - its all unknown territory!

At the first of this year I decided to dedicate myself anew to Peace and Truth .. making them my 'gods'. This was a good decision on my part, a good place to start the New Year, and, though it has been challenging, it has been a rewarding condition to nurture. So it is, that, standing here, upon my tapas, at the apex of my life - this great adventure - I am able to look back at the first fifty and look forward into the next fifty. And so it is that I have given my self - self-chosen - the gift of perspective.

Hard-work never ends, nor does practice and consistancy, for living Yogically is, and will continue to be, the nature of my every inhale and exhale.

Om Peace!

Live Yoga!
Yogini Valarie Devi